1 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:22,000 Subtitle By---KingJAIN 2 00:01:12,628 --> 00:01:16,193 The honorable Allen D. and former Mrs. Eastern. 3 00:01:17,851 --> 00:01:21,136 The honorable William and Mrs. Breslow. 4 00:01:22,002 --> 00:01:25,718 The honorable Nelson and Mrs. Winnie Mandela. 5 00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:32,831 Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States and Mrs. Bush. 6 00:01:36,711 --> 00:01:39,224 Here's everybody on the list, Barb. Everybody's here. 7 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,843 Hi, Peter. They let you out of the office early today. 8 00:01:43,109 --> 00:01:45,373 Jack, glad you could make it. 9 00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:46,417 Hal. Hi. 10 00:01:47,062 --> 00:01:49,554 Hi. Get rid of the beard. I don't like that, too liberal. 11 00:01:49,554 --> 00:01:51,851 Hi, Frank. Trudy. 12 00:01:54,193 --> 00:01:57,679 Hi, Peter. Glad you could make it. I like your suit. 13 00:01:58,496 --> 00:02:00,158 - Everybody's here. - Commissioner. 14 00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:04,904 Thank you very much. Dr. Meinheimer, I'm glad you could make it. 15 00:02:14,757 --> 00:02:16,618 Ah, here she is. Dear. 16 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,244 Have you met Dr. Meinheimer formally? 17 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,494 Thank you. 18 00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:28,818 Great Lady down. Repeat. Great Lady down! 19 00:02:28,818 --> 00:02:31,983 - What happened? - Easy, watch the table! 20 00:02:32,373 --> 00:02:33,529 Oh, wait. Wait. 21 00:02:35,711 --> 00:02:38,809 - How are you, dear?. - I'm OK, I'm fine. 22 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,724 Good. Please be seated. 23 00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:47,431 Welcome. Glad you could all come. 24 00:02:47,608 --> 00:02:49,704 I'm pleased to say that we're graced for the presence 25 00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:52,335 of so many distinguished guests tonight. 26 00:02:52,335 --> 00:02:54,925 As we all know, uh, this week we're celebrating 27 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:58,043 Law Enforcement Week all across the country. 28 00:02:58,043 --> 00:03:00,584 So I'd like to turn the proceedings over 29 00:03:00,584 --> 00:03:03,771 to our own Washington D.C. police commissioner, 30 00:03:03,771 --> 00:03:06,673 captain Annabelle Brumford. 31 00:03:08,357 --> 00:03:11,614 I'd like now to introduce a most distinguished American. 32 00:03:11,932 --> 00:03:17,351 This week he is being honored for his 1,000th drug dealer killed. 33 00:03:17,526 --> 00:03:23,340 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome lieutenant Frank Drebin of Police Squad. 34 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:28,507 Yeah, in-in all honesty, the last two I backed over with my car. 35 00:03:29,002 --> 00:03:31,611 Luckily, they turned out to be drug dealers. 36 00:03:31,647 --> 00:03:34,047 - Good. - Excellent! 37 00:03:36,211 --> 00:03:38,703 Uh, thank you, commissioner Brumford. 38 00:03:38,703 --> 00:03:43,241 Now I'd like to call upon my chief of staff, Mr. John Sununu, 39 00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:45,422 to introduce some special guests. 40 00:03:45,422 --> 00:03:49,882 Thank you. Mr. President, tonight I am extremely proud to welcome 41 00:03:49,882 --> 00:03:53,265 our guests from the nation's energy suppliers. 42 00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:55,290 First, representing the oil industry, 43 00:03:55,290 --> 00:04:00,149 head of the Society of Petroleum Industry Leaders, better known as SPIL, 44 00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:02,415 Mr. Terence Baggett. 45 00:04:03,230 --> 00:04:07,563 From the coal industry, chairman of the Society for More Coal Energy, 46 00:04:07,563 --> 00:04:10,392 or SMOKE, Mr. Donald Fenzwick. 47 00:04:10,392 --> 00:04:12,095 Uh, thank you. Thank you very much. 48 00:04:12,095 --> 00:04:13,862 And from the nuclear industry, 49 00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:18,908 president of the Key Atomic Benefits Office Of Mankind, KABOOM, 50 00:04:19,205 --> 00:04:21,216 Mr. Arthur Dunwell. 51 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,162 As you know, for the past three years, 52 00:04:24,162 --> 00:04:28,368 this administration has been trying to formulate a National Energy Policy, 53 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:31,479 one that will have a lasting impact on the way we live 54 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,670 for the next decade and beyond. 55 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,772 To make sure that we choose the right path, 56 00:04:36,772 --> 00:04:41,886 the President has appointed as his top advisor in this area 57 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,566 Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 58 00:04:49,275 --> 00:04:53,378 As I'm sure you're all aware, his reputation in this field is without peer, 59 00:04:53,378 --> 00:04:56,316 and Dr. Meinheimer will present his recommendations 60 00:04:56,316 --> 00:05:00,747 to the Annual National Press Club Dinner this Tuesday evening. 61 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,918 Mr. President. 62 00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:12,728 I want all of you here to be the first to know 63 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:18,699 that I've decided to base my administration's entire energy policy 64 00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:22,151 on Dr. Meinheimer's recommendations. 65 00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:27,581 Now, this issue is too important to be left to politicians or special interests to decide. 66 00:05:27,581 --> 00:05:30,768 Rather we need an independent and informed source 67 00:05:30,768 --> 00:05:32,889 on which to base our future actions, 68 00:05:32,889 --> 00:05:37,079 and Dr. Meinheimer is the recognised expert in this field. 69 00:05:37,079 --> 00:05:41,188 Mr. President... if I may say so, 70 00:05:42,151 --> 00:05:46,184 I do hope that, uh, Dr. Meinheimer won't be influen... 71 00:05:47,678 --> 00:05:51,623 influenced by any of the so-called environmental groups. 72 00:05:51,623 --> 00:05:54,706 Well, we're all well aware of Dr. Meinheimer's reputation. 73 00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:58,995 I think that perhaps, uh, he is best qualified to explain his research methods... 74 00:06:00,437 --> 00:06:02,802 - Dr. Meinheimer. - Great Lady down again. 75 00:07:50,276 --> 00:07:54,285 Ah! This happens every fucking time when I go shopping! 76 00:08:39,295 --> 00:08:42,613 - Jane... - Oh, Dr. Meinheimer. 77 00:08:43,114 --> 00:08:47,166 - You're back early. - And you're here late. 78 00:08:47,674 --> 00:08:49,645 Now, surely, a lovely young woman like you 79 00:08:49,645 --> 00:08:52,724 can think of something better to do on a Saturday night. 80 00:08:53,779 --> 00:08:57,432 Oh, oh, oh. I'm sorry, my dear. I d... I didn't mean to be so blunt. 81 00:08:58,426 --> 00:09:01,804 It's... it's all right, doctor. It's okay. 82 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:06,518 You're thinking about him again, aren't you? What was his name? 83 00:09:06,778 --> 00:09:09,645 - Frank? - Yes. 84 00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:12,034 You just can't forget about him, can you? 85 00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:15,253 - Who? - Frank. 86 00:09:15,397 --> 00:09:20,279 Oh, yes! No, I-I can't. I... I try. 87 00:09:20,763 --> 00:09:24,865 It's just that... when you've had that much man... 88 00:09:26,746 --> 00:09:29,440 But then, you wouldn't understand. 89 00:09:32,257 --> 00:09:36,094 Jane, you mustn't be so hard on yourself. 90 00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:39,649 You've done a wonderful job here at the... at the lnstitute. 91 00:09:39,649 --> 00:09:43,276 You're-you're the finest director of Public Relations we've ever had. 92 00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:46,780 Thank you, doctor, I... I try my best. 93 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:50,495 But I see you here night after night past ten. 94 00:09:50,495 --> 00:09:56,276 You've got to forget about the past. Go out, see new people, enjoy yourself. 95 00:09:56,618 --> 00:09:59,221 But there is someone I'm seeing, in fact just yesterday. 96 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,025 I was telling him about the speech that you were preparing for the press... 97 00:10:02,025 --> 00:10:05,822 - Good evening, Ms. Spencer. Dr. Meinheimer. - Hello, Norm. 98 00:10:06,486 --> 00:10:09,373 Oh, I completely forgot. How was the White House dinner? 99 00:10:09,624 --> 00:10:12,586 Extraordinary. The President promised to implement 100 00:10:12,586 --> 00:10:14,508 whatever recommendations I make. 101 00:10:14,508 --> 00:10:17,053 Why, that's wonderful! Then you're going to deliver 102 00:10:17,053 --> 00:10:18,684 the speech that you told me about last week? 103 00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,214 Oh, yes. Every word of it. I would've given it tonight, 104 00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:25,665 but another guest there made such a ruckus I don't believe anyone would've heard me. 105 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:29,479 Hey, Al! Ken! Look at this. 106 00:10:29,926 --> 00:10:31,773 Found this in the waste basket. 107 00:10:34,581 --> 00:10:37,992 Hey! That's a pretty nice clock! 108 00:10:38,092 --> 00:10:39,989 I wonder why they threw it out. 109 00:10:41,187 --> 00:10:45,422 It's probably because it's four minutes too slow. Here, let me fix it. 110 00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:48,818 There. 111 00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:58,334 My name is sergeant Frank Drebin, detective lieutenant, Police Squad. 112 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,336 I was in the middle of getting my car washed 113 00:11:00,336 --> 00:11:02,661 when I heard the call over the police scanner. 114 00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:04,486 There'd been a bombing downtown 115 00:11:04,486 --> 00:11:07,367 and I was on my way to advise the D.C. police 116 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,408 as part of the President's "Operation Scum Roundup". 117 00:11:10,949 --> 00:11:12,752 - Hey, you ready? - Yeah, got it. 118 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,050 As far as police work is concerned, 119 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,967 every once in a while something comes up 120 00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:20,552 that nothing quite prepares you for. 121 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:24,616 Somehow, some demented madman, probably full of self-hate, 122 00:11:24,989 --> 00:11:29,763 and possibly a couple of months behind in his rent, finally snapped. 123 00:11:31,804 --> 00:11:35,268 - I'm glad you could make it, Frank. - I got here as quick as I could, Ed. 124 00:11:35,324 --> 00:11:38,255 Oh, congratulations, I understand that Edna's pregnant again. 125 00:11:38,255 --> 00:11:40,852 - Yes, and if I catch the guy who did it... - Hey, captain. 126 00:11:40,852 --> 00:11:42,406 They just finished searchin' the building now. 127 00:11:42,406 --> 00:11:44,994 There's no sign of a break-in and there's no money missin'. 128 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,721 Man this was one hell of an explosion. 129 00:11:47,781 --> 00:11:50,011 We're still tryin' to figure out what they used. 130 00:11:50,552 --> 00:11:53,484 - Any other victims? - Oh, you're standing on one right now. 131 00:11:53,484 --> 00:11:56,191 - Oh, I see... - Get him out of here. 132 00:11:56,191 --> 00:11:58,644 Ohh, this one's a real mess. 133 00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:01,599 Oh. Hey, everybody. Over here, Frank found another one. 134 00:12:01,599 --> 00:12:02,406 He had him missing? 135 00:12:02,406 --> 00:12:05,926 - Any witnesses, Ed? - Well, there's one. A woman. 136 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:09,011 Said she saw a man leaving just before the explosion. 137 00:12:09,011 --> 00:12:11,504 Maybe we should let Nordberg handle this one. 138 00:12:11,504 --> 00:12:13,220 No, I'd better do it while it's still fresh. 139 00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:15,832 Well, not now, Frank. She fainted dead away. 140 00:12:15,832 --> 00:12:19,372 She took a nasty knock on the head. She looks pretty bad. 141 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,295 - I'll handle it. - Sir... 142 00:12:21,295 --> 00:12:23,783 Excuse me, miss, I'd like to ask few questions about.... 143 00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:25,683 Uh, Frank, not that bad. 144 00:12:26,007 --> 00:12:28,730 She's being questioned over there by our sketch artist. 145 00:12:33,607 --> 00:12:36,740 I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. 146 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,307 But there she was, just like I remembered her. 147 00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:43,789 That delicately beautiful face... 148 00:12:44,812 --> 00:12:49,178 and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. 149 00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:55,321 And breasts that seemed to say "Hey, look at these!" 150 00:12:58,096 --> 00:13:00,796 She's the kind of woman that made you wanna drop to your knees 151 00:13:00,796 --> 00:13:05,697 and thank God you were a man. Yeah... 152 00:13:05,926 --> 00:13:09,815 She reminded me of my mother all right. No doubt about it. 153 00:13:11,382 --> 00:13:15,551 Frank, snap out of it. You're lookin' at 'er like she was your mother, for Christ sake. 154 00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:29,580 - Frank. - Jane. I didn't know you lived here. 155 00:13:29,596 --> 00:13:31,689 I moved here two years ago. 156 00:13:33,545 --> 00:13:37,586 - How are the children? - We didn't have any children. 157 00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:39,654 Oh, yes, of course. 158 00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:42,758 - How was your prostate operation? - Fine. Good as new. 159 00:13:42,758 --> 00:13:45,383 In fact, it's... better than ever. 160 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:46,805 Look, Frank, I... 161 00:13:47,358 --> 00:13:51,723 I know this is awkward, but you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you? 162 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:54,246 Obsessed? Who's obsessed? 163 00:13:54,246 --> 00:13:57,108 Just because you backed out on the wedding two years ago? I'd forgotten all about it. 164 00:13:57,108 --> 00:13:59,938 Is... ancient history, like the Democratic Party. 165 00:13:59,938 --> 00:14:00,784 Frank. 166 00:14:00,842 --> 00:14:03,470 He was in tears. In church, crying like a baby. 167 00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:06,842 - Frank, get a hold of yourself! - I had to return 13 Quiz Arts. 168 00:14:06,842 --> 00:14:09,189 - That's enough, Frank, really. - Kept the salad shooter, though. 169 00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:13,062 Oh, Jane, there you are. Hello, Jane. 170 00:14:13,081 --> 00:14:16,854 Dr. Meinheimer. Frank, this is Dr. Albert Meinheimer. 171 00:14:16,854 --> 00:14:20,666 - Don't get up. Nice to meet you. - Likewise, I'm sure. 172 00:14:20,666 --> 00:14:23,526 But I believe we met before, at the White House dinner? 173 00:14:23,526 --> 00:14:26,929 He never forgets a face. He has a photographic memory. 174 00:14:26,929 --> 00:14:28,872 It's a terrible thing that's happened, here, lieutenant. 175 00:14:28,872 --> 00:14:31,028 I really do hope you find the people responsible. 176 00:14:31,028 --> 00:14:33,393 Well, I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, doctor, 177 00:14:33,393 --> 00:14:35,372 but we have a long road ahead of us. 178 00:14:35,595 --> 00:14:38,839 Like having sex. It's a painstaking arduous task 179 00:14:38,839 --> 00:14:40,316 that seems to go on and on forever, 180 00:14:40,316 --> 00:14:43,587 and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens. 181 00:14:43,947 --> 00:14:48,646 Now, Jane, about this man you saw last night... Anything can help. 182 00:14:48,646 --> 00:14:51,409 Yes, sir, I gave the sketch artist a description. 183 00:14:55,107 --> 00:14:59,321 Eh... Ed! That'll be all, McTigue. 184 00:15:01,091 --> 00:15:02,667 Why don't we get that other artist? 185 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:05,329 You know, the one that never dates, lives with those two guys... 186 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,483 Yeah, right. Sorenson! 187 00:15:07,483 --> 00:15:09,622 Jane, I'd like to see the rest of the lnstitute now. 188 00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:11,461 If you don't mind, Dr. Meinheimer? 189 00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:14,044 Yeah, why, of course. We should start with the research area. 190 00:15:14,044 --> 00:15:16,357 That's a good idea. It's right this way. 191 00:15:19,201 --> 00:15:22,191 Uh, Jane, what can you tell me about this man you saw last night? 192 00:15:22,191 --> 00:15:24,718 - Uh, he's Caucasian. - Caucasian? 193 00:15:24,718 --> 00:15:29,093 Yeah. You know, white guy. With a moustache, about 6 foot 3. 194 00:15:29,093 --> 00:15:31,634 An awfully big moustache. Now, what's this all about? 195 00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:33,652 This is our research laboratory. 196 00:15:34,536 --> 00:15:36,395 There are hundreds of experiments going on, 197 00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,165 all temperature-controlled by the machinery just below us. 198 00:15:39,366 --> 00:15:42,174 Many of our scientists have spent years on the experiments 199 00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:44,267 and are just now making major breakthroughs. 200 00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:48,531 Today, we're going to join together two compounds that have never before... 201 00:15:51,562 --> 00:15:53,132 Oh, my God! 202 00:15:53,207 --> 00:15:56,430 Well, thank heavens the bomb didn't damage the research area. 203 00:15:56,430 --> 00:15:59,815 Yes, but I still can't understand who would do such a thing. 204 00:15:59,852 --> 00:16:02,794 Uh, Jane, I think you ought to know about something. 205 00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:05,278 - Jane, darling! - Quentin! 206 00:16:05,278 --> 00:16:09,478 Jane, are you all right? I was so worried about you. 207 00:16:09,478 --> 00:16:12,602 I'm really okay, but I'm glad you're here. 208 00:16:14,717 --> 00:16:18,782 Oh, I'm sorry! Frank, this is Quentin Hapsburg of Hexagon Oil Company. 209 00:16:18,782 --> 00:16:22,618 - Pleased to meet you, Mr... - Drebin. Frank Drebin. 210 00:16:22,618 --> 00:16:25,283 I believe I've used some of your restrooms. 211 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,874 I'm... sure you have. 212 00:16:28,874 --> 00:16:31,094 Are you in some way connected with the Institute? 213 00:16:31,362 --> 00:16:32,784 Well, not officially, 214 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,716 but as a matter of fact Jane and I have been seeing 215 00:16:34,716 --> 00:16:38,535 quite a lot of each other lately. How is my little hell cat? 216 00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:45,027 Well, that's great. I've been dating, too. Nice girl, an author. 217 00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:48,617 She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You've probably read it. 218 00:16:48,617 --> 00:16:50,673 - I beg your pardon? - Frank, please... 219 00:16:50,673 --> 00:16:53,454 Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle the situation maturely, 220 00:16:53,629 --> 00:16:56,149 just like the responsible adults that we are. 221 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:59,092 Isn't that right, Mr.... Poopy Pants? 222 00:16:59,092 --> 00:17:00,901 - That does it! - Frank! 223 00:17:01,105 --> 00:17:03,785 Quentin, maybe you should excuse us. 224 00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:07,207 Anything you wish, my darling. 225 00:17:08,291 --> 00:17:10,430 Until tonight, then. 226 00:18:21,178 --> 00:18:26,507 - Sir? - Give me the strongest thing you got. 227 00:18:30,821 --> 00:18:34,998 - On... second thought, how 'bout a Black Russian? - Very well, sir. 228 00:18:45,389 --> 00:18:48,170 Frank. I thought I'd find you here. 229 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:52,010 Ed... Sit down. Pull up a memory or two. 230 00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:54,337 You left before I could talk to you. 231 00:18:55,160 --> 00:19:00,707 Ed, is it just my imagination or is the whole world crazy? 232 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:04,040 No, it's just a small percentage of the population, Frank. 233 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:11,022 Oh, I hope you're right. It's just that... I don't know if I fit any more. 234 00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:14,433 You're still thinking about Jane, aren't you? 235 00:19:14,693 --> 00:19:17,844 She's part of my life, Ed. Always will be. 236 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:22,065 I think about her constantly. But it's done. 237 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,879 And when I heard her say "Get out of my life forever", I knew it will over. 238 00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:29,685 You know, sometimes I think about you and Edna, that's when I envy you, Ed, 239 00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:35,043 because you have someone. You've had the same person every day for over 30 years. 240 00:19:35,639 --> 00:19:39,248 You wake up with her, eat with her, sleep with her... 241 00:19:39,248 --> 00:19:42,119 Make love to the same woman. 242 00:19:42,237 --> 00:19:46,752 You spend every possible waking moment together, 243 00:19:47,190 --> 00:19:49,676 while I'm out runnin' around with some 20 year olds 244 00:19:49,676 --> 00:19:52,000 who just wanna have a good time and cheap sex. 245 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,599 Sex, sex. Girls who can't say no, girls that can't get enough. 246 00:19:55,599 --> 00:19:59,038 "More, more, more! It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs." 247 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:08,725 I... I just wanna love, Ed. 248 00:20:09,013 --> 00:20:11,194 I'm sure you'll find love, Frank. 249 00:20:11,194 --> 00:20:13,919 - I already have one. - It's from the lady. 250 00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:23,878 Go to her, Frank. Go on! 251 00:20:24,365 --> 00:20:26,390 I'll see you in the morning. 252 00:20:29,637 --> 00:20:32,225 - Excuse me. - Pardon me. 253 00:20:33,671 --> 00:20:34,862 Sorry. 254 00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:39,582 This isn't easy to say. 255 00:20:39,711 --> 00:20:43,005 I'm lonely, I'm lost, I need someone to hold, to love. 256 00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:44,384 Frank! 257 00:20:46,016 --> 00:20:47,572 Over here. 258 00:20:48,905 --> 00:20:50,302 Well... 259 00:20:55,243 --> 00:20:58,393 - What are you doing here? - I called your hotel, got no answer. 260 00:20:58,393 --> 00:21:02,864 Then I tried the station house. I thought maybe you'd be here. 261 00:21:03,743 --> 00:21:08,402 - Good evening, Sam. - Mr. Drebin! Jane... 262 00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:11,580 Always nice to see nice people. 263 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:16,588 Sam, play our song. Just one more time. 264 00:21:16,588 --> 00:21:18,434 Of course. 265 00:21:25,894 --> 00:21:31,483 Uh, Sam. Sam. That's enough. Play, uh, play the other one, please. 266 00:21:31,567 --> 00:21:34,125 You can't let old hurts die, can you? 267 00:21:34,177 --> 00:21:37,342 You walk out of my life, no explanation... 268 00:21:37,342 --> 00:21:40,062 - Didn't you get the letters I sent you? - Every one of them. 269 00:21:40,062 --> 00:21:43,120 Didn't open them. Tore them up, threw them in the fire. 270 00:21:43,181 --> 00:21:47,196 Then you didn't get the cheque for 75,000 that your uncle left you in his will? 271 00:21:48,291 --> 00:21:49,770 Why are you here? 272 00:21:50,494 --> 00:21:52,777 I remembered something about the crime. 273 00:21:53,042 --> 00:21:56,535 As I was looking out the window, I saw a red van parked across the street. 274 00:21:56,670 --> 00:21:59,417 Red van? Oh, thank you, that'll be very helpful. 275 00:21:59,562 --> 00:22:02,254 So, you said your piece, you can go now, right? 276 00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:05,014 That's not my only reason for being here. 277 00:22:05,031 --> 00:22:08,562 - Frank, I want us to be friends. - Sure, friends... 278 00:22:08,562 --> 00:22:12,093 Bet if I dusted you for prints right now, they'd be your lover Quentin Hapsburg's. 279 00:22:12,093 --> 00:22:13,456 Ohh, you...! 280 00:22:14,155 --> 00:22:17,984 Well, I see a certain kitten still knows how to scratch. 281 00:22:25,162 --> 00:22:27,926 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. 282 00:22:31,304 --> 00:22:34,987 Oh, Frank, we're no good together. All you ever lived for was your police work. 283 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:38,155 And you were always busy tryin' to save the end zone layer. 284 00:22:38,155 --> 00:22:42,245 Ozone layer! Frank, you never tried to understand. 285 00:22:42,245 --> 00:22:43,778 How can you say that, 286 00:22:43,978 --> 00:22:48,617 when I sank every penny I had into buying that 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest. 287 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:51,711 Then I had it slashed and burned so we could build our dream house. 288 00:22:51,711 --> 00:22:54,091 Frank! How could you be so insensitive? 289 00:22:54,091 --> 00:22:58,415 Insensitive? You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? 290 00:22:58,415 --> 00:23:03,157 - You try it sometime. - I'd better go. This was a mistake. 291 00:23:03,157 --> 00:23:04,778 I don't even know why I came here. 292 00:23:04,778 --> 00:23:07,990 I was hoping you'd be happy, that you'd have someone. 293 00:23:08,329 --> 00:23:12,459 I'm single. I-I love being single! 294 00:23:13,262 --> 00:23:16,665 I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader! 295 00:23:21,102 --> 00:23:25,261 I mean, at the time, I was dating a lot. 296 00:23:35,963 --> 00:23:39,752 - I told you the bombing wouldn't work. - We had no choice. 297 00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,724 Take a look at this headline. 298 00:23:42,239 --> 00:23:45,908 "President to give Meinheimer blank cheque at Press Club Dinner." 299 00:23:45,908 --> 00:23:48,366 That speech is in two days. 300 00:23:48,366 --> 00:23:50,639 - Don't you think I know that? - We all know that. 301 00:23:51,679 --> 00:23:53,741 Gentlemen, gentlemen... 302 00:23:55,009 --> 00:23:58,713 I know you're all worried, and I agree. 303 00:23:58,713 --> 00:24:01,264 There's plenty to be worried about. 304 00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:07,859 It's like this solar power plant, already operational outside Los Angeles. 305 00:24:07,859 --> 00:24:09,810 Photovoltaic cells. 306 00:24:09,810 --> 00:24:13,681 They convert sunlight directly into electricity. 307 00:24:13,894 --> 00:24:18,117 Fluorescents. Last ten times as long as a conventional light-bulb. 308 00:24:18,117 --> 00:24:20,405 Uses only a quarter of the power. 309 00:24:20,405 --> 00:24:25,448 Super windows. Insulate as well as ten sheets of glass. 310 00:24:25,493 --> 00:24:30,432 An electric car, partially powered by solar panels. 311 00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:33,337 But the truth is, gentlemen, 312 00:24:33,566 --> 00:24:37,560 I'm not worried about any of these things. 313 00:24:37,734 --> 00:24:41,711 Because no one's ever going to know about them. 314 00:24:41,711 --> 00:24:46,337 - What about Meinheimer and his report? - Yes, he's going to tell the President. 315 00:24:46,420 --> 00:24:50,391 Good question. Why don't we just ask him? 316 00:24:50,391 --> 00:24:51,513 What's goin'...? What...? 317 00:24:51,999 --> 00:24:54,504 - That's kidnapping! - Good heavens! 318 00:24:54,544 --> 00:24:57,279 What about Tuesday evening and his speech? 319 00:24:57,279 --> 00:25:00,401 Dr. Meinheimer will deliver his speech. 320 00:25:00,401 --> 00:25:06,049 It is my view, for now, we must rely on coal, oil and nuclear energy. 321 00:25:06,049 --> 00:25:09,185 Our Dr. Meinheimer. 322 00:25:09,185 --> 00:25:11,838 - Oh, my God! - That's incredible! 323 00:25:12,292 --> 00:25:17,389 Gentlemen, meet Earl Hacker, former arts consultant to Jesse Helms. 324 00:25:18,044 --> 00:25:24,118 And as I explained to Mr. Hapsburg, my fee is one million dollars, 325 00:25:24,118 --> 00:25:28,757 and, might I add, I'm worth every penny of it. 326 00:25:28,757 --> 00:25:33,038 But, uh, you gentlemen don't have any choice. 327 00:25:35,426 --> 00:25:36,988 Do you? 328 00:25:45,797 --> 00:25:47,610 After getting a good night's sleep, 329 00:25:47,610 --> 00:25:50,331 I decided to head back to police headquarters. 330 00:25:50,331 --> 00:25:53,232 I figured that if I buried myself in my police work, 331 00:25:53,232 --> 00:25:56,362 I could forget about Jane and maybe in the process 332 00:25:56,427 --> 00:25:59,355 catch a vicious killer before he struck again. 333 00:25:59,355 --> 00:26:02,873 So far we had few clues and no real leads. 334 00:26:03,055 --> 00:26:06,053 I was hoping maybe the lab boys had come up with something. 335 00:26:06,053 --> 00:26:07,804 Hey, shut that thing off! 336 00:26:07,805 --> 00:26:08,855 And I want that you pay... 337 00:26:08,855 --> 00:26:11,691 - Just take it easy, man. - Say your prayers. 338 00:26:13,094 --> 00:26:14,631 - Nice work, Frank. - What? 339 00:26:14,631 --> 00:26:18,403 Ted, can you show us those lab results you got back from the Research Institute? 340 00:26:18,403 --> 00:26:21,028 We weren't able to get any clean fingerprints, captain, 341 00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:24,749 but we did find footprints outside the Research Institute. 342 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:28,772 We made plaster casts out of them. A size 9 1/2 D. 343 00:26:28,772 --> 00:26:32,121 We're running a trace on it now. But even more interesting, Frank, 344 00:26:32,121 --> 00:26:35,135 we also found this single dinosaur footprint. 345 00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:39,424 - A major find from the palaeolithic era. - Anything else, Ted? 346 00:26:39,424 --> 00:26:41,491 Yes, about 20 feet down from that spot, 347 00:26:41,491 --> 00:26:44,965 we discovered ancient timbers which we believe may be part of Noah's Ark. 348 00:26:44,965 --> 00:26:46,930 That's great, uh, Ted, but about the case... 349 00:26:46,930 --> 00:26:50,136 I'll be departing tomorrow for Boston, where I'll be delivering a major address 350 00:26:50,136 --> 00:26:54,827 to the American Archaeological Society. And I'm booked on Geraldo next week. 351 00:26:54,854 --> 00:26:57,542 You're going on Geraldo because of this? 352 00:26:57,983 --> 00:27:01,340 No, my wife is a transsexual Satan worshiper. 353 00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:03,953 But meanwhile, we'll be continuing fingerprint analysis, 354 00:27:03,953 --> 00:27:07,667 fiber checks, DNA breakdown, hair samples... 355 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:11,351 Then, using the microscopic dirt particles on this footprint, 356 00:27:11,351 --> 00:27:14,776 it's a matter of getting a geologic breakdown of the entire city. 357 00:27:14,776 --> 00:27:19,257 - We may not have that kind of time, Ted. - Well, then maybe this will help. 358 00:27:19,776 --> 00:27:22,997 We found this wallet on the curb outside the Institute. 359 00:27:23,539 --> 00:27:26,206 We haven't yet had the chance to examine it thoroughly. 360 00:27:26,206 --> 00:27:28,472 It just came down from the lab, an hour ago. 361 00:27:29,549 --> 00:27:34,953 "Hector Savage". From Detroit. Hey, I remember this pug. 362 00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:38,069 Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago. 363 00:27:38,069 --> 00:27:41,293 Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis. 364 00:27:41,293 --> 00:27:44,510 Hey, I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati. 365 00:27:44,510 --> 00:27:47,313 No, you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly. 366 00:27:47,313 --> 00:27:50,709 He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. 367 00:27:50,709 --> 00:27:53,954 - You know, the Arizona Assassin. - Yeah, from Dakota. 368 00:27:53,954 --> 00:27:56,157 - I don't remember. It was North or South? - North. 369 00:27:56,157 --> 00:27:59,219 South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia. 370 00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:00,571 You sure know your boxing. 371 00:28:00,571 --> 00:28:03,845 Well... All I know is, never bet on the white guy. 372 00:28:04,624 --> 00:28:05,954 You got an address in there? 373 00:28:05,954 --> 00:28:08,622 All I got is a card that says "Monique DeCarlo, 374 00:28:08,622 --> 00:28:11,354 210 Bleckman Street." 375 00:28:11,501 --> 00:28:16,405 That's the red-light district. Wonder why Savage is hanging out down there. 376 00:28:16,405 --> 00:28:17,946 Sex, Frank? 377 00:28:18,851 --> 00:28:22,973 Uhh, no, not right now, Ed. We got work to do. 378 00:28:26,165 --> 00:28:28,434 The address we were given for Monique DeCarlo 379 00:28:28,434 --> 00:28:31,176 was in the part of town known as Little Italy. 380 00:28:31,176 --> 00:28:33,193 We proceeded there, hoping this could be 381 00:28:33,193 --> 00:28:35,345 the lead that would bring us to Hector Savage 382 00:28:35,717 --> 00:28:39,881 and possibly lead us to a clue that would break the case wide open. 383 00:28:42,501 --> 00:28:45,365 That's the cops. You gotta get rid of them. 384 00:28:45,365 --> 00:28:48,851 All right. All right, I'll handle it. Quick, you hide in the basement. 385 00:28:49,931 --> 00:28:51,624 You'll be safe down there. 386 00:28:54,164 --> 00:28:56,092 - Ed. - Frank. 387 00:28:56,188 --> 00:28:58,088 - Red van. - Yes, I know. 388 00:28:58,088 --> 00:29:01,678 Oh, Jane said that she saw a red van outside the Institute the night of the explosion. 389 00:29:02,166 --> 00:29:06,152 - Ohh... Let's take him down. - No, he's not working alone. 390 00:29:06,152 --> 00:29:09,217 - Let's bug the van. See where it goes. - Good thinking, Frank. 391 00:29:09,217 --> 00:29:11,257 - Nordberg! - No problem. 392 00:29:15,268 --> 00:29:19,139 Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad. This is my captain, Ed Hocken. 393 00:29:19,139 --> 00:29:23,136 - Is this some kind of bust? - Well, it's very impressive, yes, 394 00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:25,707 but we need to ask you a few questions. 395 00:29:33,330 --> 00:29:38,300 All right, listen. We're looking for a Hector Savage. Now, where is he? 396 00:29:38,526 --> 00:29:40,660 And why should I tell you, copper? 397 00:29:40,660 --> 00:29:43,882 Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this 398 00:29:43,882 --> 00:29:46,087 and the decent people in this town. 399 00:29:46,674 --> 00:29:49,145 Oh, hi, Frank. Say, we got that model 400 00:29:49,145 --> 00:29:52,638 D-83 Swedish Sure-Grip Suck Machine in that you ordered. 401 00:29:54,673 --> 00:29:56,102 It's a gift. 402 00:30:13,309 --> 00:30:15,456 Frank! Come here. Quick! 403 00:30:16,582 --> 00:30:18,957 It's Savage. He's on the move. 404 00:30:22,335 --> 00:30:24,354 What? Hey! 405 00:30:24,497 --> 00:30:28,879 Hey! Stop, stop! I'm a police officer! 406 00:30:29,663 --> 00:30:32,830 Let's go, Ed. Remember, we can't let him spot us. 407 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,378 Hey! Pull over right now! 408 00:30:38,228 --> 00:30:40,984 Nordberg's bugging device is right on the money. 409 00:30:41,101 --> 00:30:43,236 I'm not kidding! Stop! 410 00:30:45,834 --> 00:30:47,882 Shit! 411 00:30:48,616 --> 00:30:50,810 He's changing direction. Stop the car. 412 00:30:51,815 --> 00:30:52,710 Oh, no! 413 00:30:54,218 --> 00:30:57,335 - He's getting closer. - Good. We should see him any minute now. 414 00:30:57,335 --> 00:30:58,545 Keep your eyes peeled. 415 00:30:58,545 --> 00:30:59,955 Oh, no! 416 00:31:01,406 --> 00:31:04,107 Look, Ed, he's real close now. 417 00:31:05,596 --> 00:31:06,967 Step on it! 418 00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:11,119 Help! Stop, stop! 419 00:31:28,095 --> 00:31:29,597 Frank, stop! 420 00:31:30,114 --> 00:31:35,244 Stop right now! I've had it! I said stop! 421 00:31:42,154 --> 00:31:44,195 Oh, no! 422 00:31:46,245 --> 00:31:47,741 Help! 423 00:31:48,386 --> 00:31:50,718 Frank Drebin, Police Squad. What do we have here? 424 00:31:50,718 --> 00:31:54,679 It's a tense situation, lieutenant. Savage is holed up in that house over there. 425 00:31:54,679 --> 00:31:58,564 - Says he's got hostages. - Could be bluffing. Anything else? 426 00:31:58,564 --> 00:32:04,214 Yeah. That red van is registered to one Quentin Hapsburg. 427 00:32:06,663 --> 00:32:10,931 Well, looks like the cows have come home to roost. 428 00:32:11,476 --> 00:32:13,081 How you doing, trooper? 429 00:32:17,981 --> 00:32:20,154 Hey, stop firing! 430 00:32:20,674 --> 00:32:22,948 Hold it! Stop firing! 431 00:32:25,525 --> 00:32:30,917 Stop firing! Stop firing! 432 00:32:31,268 --> 00:32:33,595 All right, give me the bullhorn. 433 00:32:34,713 --> 00:32:37,310 This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. 434 00:32:37,483 --> 00:32:41,020 Throw down your guns and come on out with your hands up, 435 00:32:41,325 --> 00:32:46,044 or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. 436 00:32:46,044 --> 00:32:48,488 Just remember the two key elements here: 437 00:32:48,488 --> 00:32:52,839 One, guns to be thrown down. Two, come on out. 438 00:32:52,839 --> 00:32:58,325 You just try and take me, Drebin! I got more if you want 'em, copper! 439 00:32:58,325 --> 00:33:00,341 Looks like he's holding all the cards, Frank. 440 00:33:00,669 --> 00:33:03,300 - Not all the cards, Ed. - How 'bout it? 441 00:33:03,486 --> 00:33:06,589 Frank, you can't drive that tank! You're not checked out on it! 442 00:33:06,589 --> 00:33:09,917 Don't worry, Ed! Just keep em busy. 443 00:33:10,256 --> 00:33:13,186 All right, Savage, what do you want? 444 00:33:13,186 --> 00:33:17,393 I want a car out front. Something fun. A Porsche. 445 00:33:17,393 --> 00:33:21,112 Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. 446 00:33:21,112 --> 00:33:22,861 No touristy place. 447 00:33:23,161 --> 00:33:26,003 Something really indicative of the people and their culture. 448 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:29,804 Can't do that, Savage. We're calling your bluff. 449 00:33:30,070 --> 00:33:32,810 Now put your hands on top of your head and come out. 450 00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:35,736 We got you surrounded front and... hey! 451 00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:42,426 Frank, what are you doing? Where are you going? Frank! 452 00:34:21,969 --> 00:34:24,610 Frank! Help! 453 00:34:44,209 --> 00:34:46,817 - Your coat, sir? - Yes, it is. 454 00:34:46,817 --> 00:34:49,446 And I have a receipt to prove it. 455 00:34:50,527 --> 00:34:53,315 - Telephone call, commissioner. - Thank you. 456 00:34:53,324 --> 00:34:54,777 Excuse me. 457 00:34:56,668 --> 00:35:00,476 Yes? He did what?! 458 00:35:01,897 --> 00:35:05,932 How many animals escaped? Oh, my God! 459 00:35:05,932 --> 00:35:08,713 Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight. 460 00:35:10,018 --> 00:35:15,025 Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons? 461 00:35:15,025 --> 00:35:17,870 Well, isn't that the fault of the voters? 462 00:35:17,870 --> 00:35:19,910 Uhh... Excuse me. 463 00:35:25,613 --> 00:35:28,809 I'd just like to thank you all for attending this event 464 00:35:28,809 --> 00:35:31,400 in honor of Dr. Albert Meinheimer, 465 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:35,446 who tomorrow will make his historic address. 466 00:35:39,801 --> 00:35:41,828 And along with the President, I too pledge 467 00:35:41,828 --> 00:35:44,600 to support Dr. Meinheimer's recommendations, 468 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,974 whatever they may be. 469 00:35:54,406 --> 00:35:56,931 And now, please enjoy the evening. 470 00:35:56,931 --> 00:35:59,460 Oh, I'll see you later. 471 00:36:13,886 --> 00:36:15,924 - May I cut in? - Frank! 472 00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:18,655 - What are you doing here? - I enjoy a good party. 473 00:36:18,655 --> 00:36:22,453 - Why are you really here, Frank? - I can sum that up in three words. 474 00:36:22,916 --> 00:36:27,548 "Quentin Hapsburg." I never liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him. 475 00:36:27,548 --> 00:36:30,755 The man is as dirty as a coal miner’s underwear in January. 476 00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:34,627 Oh, Frank, what's gotten into you? He's a kind, gentle, concerned man, 477 00:36:34,627 --> 00:36:38,419 who cares about people and is not as suspicious as some people I know. 478 00:36:38,419 --> 00:36:41,598 Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask him what his connection is 479 00:36:41,598 --> 00:36:44,405 with the red van you saw the night of the explosion. 480 00:36:44,733 --> 00:36:46,275 I don't know what you're talking about. 481 00:36:46,275 --> 00:36:50,568 Oh, why don't you ask him if he's pals with a two-bit goon named Hector Savage. 482 00:36:51,216 --> 00:36:54,778 Frank, stop it! You're just jealous because another man can give me 483 00:36:54,778 --> 00:36:57,523 the understanding that you never could. 484 00:36:57,685 --> 00:37:01,791 I just hope you pal Quentin is watching right now, cause I know he'll be jealous. 485 00:37:02,224 --> 00:37:05,800 And a jealous man always makes the wrong move. 486 00:37:06,196 --> 00:37:08,137 I'm counting on that! 487 00:37:45,438 --> 00:37:49,849 Mr. Drebin, sir, Mr. Hapsburg would like you to join him at his table. 488 00:37:58,473 --> 00:38:03,324 - Solitaire is a lonely man's game, Hapsburg. - Lieutenant! 489 00:38:04,727 --> 00:38:08,700 I don't recall seeing your name on the guest list. 490 00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:12,506 Nothing to be embarrassed about. I sometimes go by my maiden name. 491 00:38:14,764 --> 00:38:19,033 Nice party, Hapsburg. See a lot of familiar facelifts. 492 00:38:20,930 --> 00:38:25,759 - Do you... gamble, lieutenant? - Every time I order out. 493 00:38:27,761 --> 00:38:29,824 Que sera, sera... 494 00:38:29,895 --> 00:38:33,763 - You do speak French, don't you? - Unfortunately, no. 495 00:38:33,848 --> 00:38:36,716 But I do kiss that way. 496 00:38:37,207 --> 00:38:39,682 Excuse me! You happen to be standing in my place. 497 00:38:39,682 --> 00:38:42,389 Oh, Dr. Meinheimer, you remember Frank? 498 00:38:42,688 --> 00:38:47,591 - Yeah, uh... uh, oh, yeah... Mister, um... - Drebin, from Police Squad. 499 00:38:47,591 --> 00:38:49,647 You met him at the Institute. 500 00:38:49,864 --> 00:38:52,764 Oh, yes, of course, yes! Oh, oh, do sit down. 501 00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:54,945 Thank you, I don't intend to stay. 502 00:38:55,414 --> 00:38:58,701 Let's play another game. Who's this? 503 00:39:02,347 --> 00:39:04,675 - I wouldn't know. - He's been a bad boy. 504 00:39:04,675 --> 00:39:06,375 He blew up a building he shouldn't have 505 00:39:06,375 --> 00:39:09,157 and he's driving a van that's registered in your name. 506 00:39:09,157 --> 00:39:11,838 We own lots of vans. One of them was stolen 507 00:39:11,838 --> 00:39:13,574 not more than three days ago. 508 00:39:13,574 --> 00:39:16,279 Look, lieutenant, I have nothing to hide. 509 00:39:16,279 --> 00:39:18,655 Maybe so, but I'm warning you, Hapsburg. 510 00:39:18,655 --> 00:39:22,430 If you so much as sneeze, and I'm gonna be there to wipe your nose. 511 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:34,253 Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the first door prize of the evening: 512 00:39:34,253 --> 00:39:38,930 an all-expense-paid trip to the Gilligan Islands. 513 00:39:39,982 --> 00:39:45,524 And to draw the first winner, we would like to ask our guest of honor, 514 00:39:45,630 --> 00:39:49,207 Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 515 00:39:51,823 --> 00:39:54,265 - Here, let me help you with that. - That really won't be necessary. 516 00:39:54,265 --> 00:39:55,498 No, no, no trouble at all. 517 00:39:55,498 --> 00:39:57,753 I don't understand what's gotten into Frank. 518 00:39:57,753 --> 00:40:01,828 I'm afraid it's merely a case of jealousy, my dear. 519 00:40:02,289 --> 00:40:03,485 You're gonna wear all my gears down. 520 00:40:03,485 --> 00:40:06,210 I'm telling you. We shouldn't be pushing it like this. 521 00:40:45,406 --> 00:40:48,213 He certain seems to get around marvelously. 522 00:40:48,213 --> 00:40:49,533 He does. 523 00:42:02,612 --> 00:42:04,002 - Frank? - Jane. 524 00:42:04,002 --> 00:42:08,447 I... just wanted to tell you that I-I'm sorry about what happened tonight. 525 00:42:08,447 --> 00:42:12,767 - Oh, Frank. - Jane, I need to talk to you. May I come in? 526 00:42:12,942 --> 00:42:16,410 Well, okay, but the place is kind of a mess. 527 00:42:16,545 --> 00:42:19,649 And I was just about ready to make a protein shake. Do you want some? 528 00:42:19,649 --> 00:42:21,241 No, thank you. 529 00:42:22,503 --> 00:42:25,637 Are you sure? I'm trying out a new recipe tonight. 530 00:42:26,062 --> 00:42:28,773 Jane, do you know what Dr. Meinheimer is gonna say 531 00:42:28,773 --> 00:42:30,363 at the Press Club dinner tomorrow? 532 00:42:30,363 --> 00:42:35,551 Yes, he's going to endorse energy efficiency and renewable energy like solar power. 533 00:42:35,639 --> 00:42:36,797 Who else knew that? 534 00:42:36,797 --> 00:42:39,908 Only me. And of course I mentioned it to Quentin. 535 00:42:39,908 --> 00:42:42,740 And if the President were to adopt a national policy of supporting 536 00:42:42,740 --> 00:42:46,303 efficiency and solar energy, who would be the biggest losers? 537 00:42:46,303 --> 00:42:49,357 Well, coal, oil and nuclear. 538 00:42:49,376 --> 00:42:54,299 - Frank! Frank! Oh. - Jane. Just one more question. 539 00:42:54,887 --> 00:42:58,314 You once told me that Dr. Meinheimer had a photographic memory, 540 00:42:58,314 --> 00:43:01,308 yet tonight he never recalled meeting me. 541 00:43:02,137 --> 00:43:05,393 That's strange, but he has been under a lot of stress lately. 542 00:43:05,650 --> 00:43:09,815 Does he have any identifying marks? A scar, a mole, a tattoo, 543 00:43:09,815 --> 00:43:12,824 webbed toes, a third nostril? 544 00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:17,626 Well, he has a birthmark in the shape of Whistler's Mother on his right buttock. 545 00:43:17,826 --> 00:43:23,490 I see, well... Have you noticed anything different about him? 546 00:43:23,694 --> 00:43:28,571 Well, only that he is a foot taller and he seems to be left-handed now. 547 00:43:28,990 --> 00:43:31,849 Frank! What are you trying to tell me? 548 00:43:31,849 --> 00:43:34,965 That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer 549 00:43:34,965 --> 00:43:38,551 and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the President? 550 00:43:38,817 --> 00:43:42,511 Why, that's brilliant. That's a lot better than what I'd come up with. 551 00:43:42,511 --> 00:43:46,601 Frank, stop it. This is preposterous! Is there no end to your jealousy? 552 00:43:46,715 --> 00:43:48,747 Jane, you're hurting me. 553 00:43:49,354 --> 00:43:52,094 - What more do you want from me? - Can I use your phone? 554 00:43:52,094 --> 00:43:53,448 - Local call? - Yes. 555 00:43:53,448 --> 00:43:54,586 All right. 556 00:43:54,586 --> 00:43:57,214 If you'll excuse me, I have to take my shower. 557 00:43:58,176 --> 00:44:02,753 The phone is in the other room. You can let yourself out. Goodbye. 558 00:44:19,958 --> 00:44:22,756 Uh, give me captain Ed Hocken, please. 559 00:44:30,927 --> 00:44:34,912 Ed, I'm onto something big. Gonna need you and Nordberg tomorrow. 560 00:44:35,521 --> 00:44:37,498 What's he doing in Detroit? 561 00:44:38,748 --> 00:44:41,413 Well, send him plane fare and a new pair of pants. 562 00:46:26,194 --> 00:46:27,480 Frank! 563 00:47:16,926 --> 00:47:19,246 Just as I suspected. 564 00:47:20,487 --> 00:47:23,509 Come on... on your feet. 565 00:47:55,414 --> 00:47:56,560 Jane... 566 00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:59,762 - Jane. - Hey, what happened to the water pressure? 567 00:48:00,682 --> 00:48:01,799 Jane! Jane! 568 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:03,342 Jane! 569 00:48:04,464 --> 00:48:05,467 Frank! 570 00:48:07,008 --> 00:48:08,702 Oh, I was so frightened! 571 00:48:10,455 --> 00:48:14,121 - What happened out there? - It's nothing. It's nothing to worry about. 572 00:48:14,121 --> 00:48:15,759 But if I were you, I wouldn't leave 573 00:48:15,759 --> 00:48:17,978 until they had a chance to shampoo the carpets. 574 00:48:18,341 --> 00:48:23,053 - Who would wanna kill you, Frank? - Before tonight, only the cable company. 575 00:48:23,379 --> 00:48:28,137 But now I'm afraid it's one of Hapsburg's goons. He was carrying this. 576 00:48:29,061 --> 00:48:36,637 Hapsburg Valdez. Oh, Frank! I feel like such a fool. 577 00:48:37,041 --> 00:48:41,150 - I should have never doubted you. - There, there... 578 00:48:41,275 --> 00:48:43,250 You had no way of knowing the man you were dating 579 00:48:43,250 --> 00:48:45,316 was a vicious murdering sociopath. 580 00:48:45,495 --> 00:48:48,664 Oh, Frank! We have to help Dr. Meinheimer. 581 00:48:48,664 --> 00:48:50,940 - He's in danger. - Yes. 582 00:48:51,024 --> 00:48:53,581 They'll probably torture him, then kill him. 583 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:55,297 It's all my fault! 584 00:48:55,297 --> 00:49:00,312 They'll probably start by tearing out his toenails and move on to the nose hairs. 585 00:49:00,312 --> 00:49:02,675 Oh, no! What are we gonna do? 586 00:49:02,675 --> 00:49:06,437 If my hunch is right, they're holding him hostage here. 587 00:49:06,672 --> 00:49:09,693 - At the Home Club? - What? No! 588 00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:14,382 At this warehouse. I gotta get going to rescue him. 589 00:49:14,382 --> 00:49:18,333 - Oh, you'll be careful? - Course I... will. 590 00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:21,875 I... will, uh... 591 00:49:23,087 --> 00:49:25,585 I guess I'd better be on my way. 592 00:49:26,946 --> 00:49:30,116 I promised Nordberg we'd bake a raisin nut bread tonight. 593 00:49:35,119 --> 00:49:37,965 Oh, I can't fight it any more! 594 00:49:38,009 --> 00:49:45,387 I ran away from you once. I can't do it again. Will you stay with me? Please? 595 00:52:51,532 --> 00:52:54,652 Frank, I'm tellin' you, we've got no business doing this. 596 00:52:54,652 --> 00:52:57,663 All we've got is some dock pass and your hunch. 597 00:52:57,663 --> 00:53:00,704 Please, mark my words, Ed, that Hapsburg is up to something 598 00:53:00,704 --> 00:53:03,447 right up to his pretty, imported shirt collar. 599 00:53:07,348 --> 00:53:09,000 Couldn't have picked a better day for it. 600 00:53:09,310 --> 00:53:12,936 This fog'll keep us concealed all the way over to Hapsburg's warehouse. 601 00:53:12,936 --> 00:53:16,846 That's not fog, Frank. The number two engine's on fire. They're tryin' to put it out. 602 00:53:16,910 --> 00:53:19,314 All right, let's run through this one more time. 603 00:53:19,314 --> 00:53:23,737 At exactly 3:15, Nordberg will cut the power lines, knocking out the alarms. 604 00:53:23,737 --> 00:53:24,754 Yeah. Right. 605 00:53:25,020 --> 00:53:27,477 - Nordberg! - Yeah, got it. 606 00:53:27,477 --> 00:53:30,478 I'll be in the van waiting for your signal. Are you all wired up? 607 00:53:30,478 --> 00:53:32,901 Yeah. Right. 608 00:53:33,405 --> 00:53:38,246 And when you hear me say "I love it", you guys move in. 609 00:53:38,306 --> 00:53:40,137 - Check. - Ready, Frank? 610 00:53:49,295 --> 00:53:51,519 The water's over there, Frank. 611 00:53:56,483 --> 00:53:58,578 Hexagon Oil commercial number one. 612 00:54:01,241 --> 00:54:05,264 Piloting today's giant oil tankers is a big responsibility. 613 00:54:05,264 --> 00:54:08,622 And that's why here at Hexagon's Tanker Captain Training School, 614 00:54:08,622 --> 00:54:12,144 future captains go through a rigorous instruction program. 615 00:54:12,144 --> 00:54:14,803 And through a complicated elimination process, 616 00:54:14,803 --> 00:54:18,268 we weed out those less qualified for the day-to-day operation 617 00:54:18,268 --> 00:54:21,627 of a half-million-ton single hull super tanker. 618 00:54:21,627 --> 00:54:23,941 Only the best will be allowed to take command 619 00:54:23,941 --> 00:54:28,105 of what is essentially a floating ecological time bomb. 620 00:54:40,292 --> 00:54:41,657 Commercial two. 621 00:54:43,100 --> 00:54:45,591 Ah, just the way I like it! 622 00:54:46,768 --> 00:54:49,427 You know, someday, way in the future, 623 00:54:49,427 --> 00:54:53,333 the sun may be able to provide all our energy needs. 624 00:54:54,177 --> 00:54:56,938 But right now, it gives us a comfortable feeling 625 00:54:56,938 --> 00:55:00,903 to know that our home is being supplied by nuclear power. 626 00:55:01,162 --> 00:55:04,069 Oh, I know what you're thinking, but we're not worried. 627 00:55:04,069 --> 00:55:06,991 Because we know that nuclear energy is safe. 628 00:55:07,112 --> 00:55:11,370 In fact, we kinda think of it as... our friendly neighbor. 629 00:55:11,370 --> 00:55:15,281 But remember, our friend can't exist without huge government subsidies. 630 00:55:15,281 --> 00:55:18,612 So, write your congressman and tell 'im to keep those government dollars 631 00:55:18,612 --> 00:55:21,216 rolling into... nuclear power. 632 00:55:26,705 --> 00:55:29,543 It looks like I'm gonna have to find another way in, Ed. 633 00:55:29,543 --> 00:55:31,908 They got killer guard dogs here. You read me? 634 00:55:32,173 --> 00:55:35,721 Loud 'n' clear. Nordberg, how are we doing? 635 00:55:36,302 --> 00:55:38,290 We're at our destination. 636 00:55:42,289 --> 00:55:44,212 Ed, I'm gonna try the roof. 637 00:55:50,188 --> 00:55:52,298 Ed, I'm gonna try it again. 638 00:56:34,263 --> 00:56:37,118 - Okay, Nordberg, cut the power line. - Right. 639 00:56:40,398 --> 00:56:42,047 Help! Help! 640 00:56:42,206 --> 00:56:44,654 Come in, Nordberg. Frank, you better hold on. 641 00:56:44,654 --> 00:56:46,282 We may have a problem here. 642 00:56:57,442 --> 00:57:01,098 Well... it's lieutenant Drebin. 643 00:57:01,098 --> 00:57:04,984 You were supposed to have been killed last night. 644 00:57:05,621 --> 00:57:10,410 Now I think I'm going to enjoy doing it myself. 645 00:57:10,410 --> 00:57:13,703 It'll be slow and painful. 646 00:57:18,354 --> 00:57:22,046 - What's that smell? - Oh, that would be me. 647 00:57:22,046 --> 00:57:26,184 I have been swimming in raw sewage. I love it. 648 00:57:27,576 --> 00:57:29,209 I love it! 649 00:57:29,209 --> 00:57:31,536 That's the signal, let's go. 650 00:57:33,875 --> 00:57:35,806 Humbridge, it's stuck. Give me a hand. 651 00:57:37,019 --> 00:57:39,782 Ed, help me! Ed! 652 00:57:39,997 --> 00:57:41,268 Search him. 653 00:57:46,394 --> 00:57:48,167 I love it! 654 00:57:52,710 --> 00:57:54,225 He's wired! 655 00:57:56,862 --> 00:57:58,491 Tie him up! 656 00:57:59,082 --> 00:58:01,188 You'll never get away with this, Hapsburg. 657 00:58:02,395 --> 00:58:05,879 - Whatever it is. - All right, I'll show you. 658 00:58:06,064 --> 00:58:10,168 Let me introduce you to some people. 659 00:58:10,403 --> 00:58:17,270 Course, you know Dr. Meinheimer. And you've met Earl Hacker. 660 00:58:17,271 --> 00:58:19,451 Why, you son of a... ow! 661 00:58:19,451 --> 00:58:22,783 And then I'd like you to meet the Redmans. 662 00:58:23,848 --> 00:58:26,841 Weekend guests from out of town. 663 00:58:27,195 --> 00:58:30,176 We're going to the Press Club dinner. Make sure nothing happens 664 00:58:30,176 --> 00:58:32,858 to lieutenant Drebin until I come back. 665 00:58:33,190 --> 00:58:38,562 Then... I want the pleasure of killing you myself. 666 00:58:38,562 --> 00:58:41,659 The pleasure is all mine. 667 00:58:45,648 --> 00:58:49,049 See you after the speech, lieutenant. 668 01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,610 - Freeze! - That's it. Freeze! 669 01:00:22,610 --> 01:00:24,130 Get away. Don't move! 670 01:00:26,224 --> 01:00:30,266 Good Lord! Look at what they did to Dr. Meinheimer. 671 01:00:30,904 --> 01:00:33,171 You okay, Dr. Meinheimer? 672 01:00:35,641 --> 01:00:39,097 That's okay. Don't try to talk. 673 01:00:41,341 --> 01:00:45,259 I just can't take this any more. 674 01:00:45,259 --> 01:00:48,372 Garbage like you just makes me sick! 675 01:00:48,372 --> 01:00:49,755 - E-Ed... - Okay? 676 01:00:50,154 --> 01:00:56,378 I'm just John Q. Public now. It's just you and me. 677 01:00:56,468 --> 01:00:58,711 - Mano a mano. - Ed... 678 01:00:58,711 --> 01:01:01,793 I'll teach you to pick on a helpless invalid! 679 01:01:08,617 --> 01:01:11,117 All right, all right, he's had enough! 680 01:01:11,246 --> 01:01:14,794 Somebody help the captain. We've got to get to that Press Club dinner. 681 01:01:22,575 --> 01:01:24,869 - Mr. Sununu. - Any predictions, Mr. Sununu? 682 01:01:24,869 --> 01:01:28,483 I don't think there'll be any surprises in Dr. Meinheimer's address. 683 01:01:28,483 --> 01:01:32,200 He'll most likely recommend the President continue our policy of oil dependency, 684 01:01:32,476 --> 01:01:36,732 and more dollars for subsidizing nuclear power, as I've often recommended myself. 685 01:01:36,732 --> 01:01:38,542 We'll have more on the Press Club dinner after this. 686 01:01:38,542 --> 01:01:41,606 Also we'll have an update on the escaped zoo animals. 687 01:01:42,559 --> 01:01:44,855 This is probably the most important evening of my career. 688 01:01:44,855 --> 01:01:46,422 We can't afford any mistakes. 689 01:01:46,422 --> 01:01:50,230 And if you see lieutenant Drebin or any of his Police Squad near these premises, 690 01:01:50,230 --> 01:01:52,624 I want them arrested on sight. 691 01:01:55,003 --> 01:01:57,898 I told Jane to meet us at the hotel's rear entrance. 692 01:01:57,898 --> 01:02:00,116 - Where's that, Frank? - In the back. 693 01:02:00,194 --> 01:02:02,708 She's gonna unlock the doors at 7:30 sharp. 694 01:02:02,734 --> 01:02:04,286 What about Hapsburg, Frank? 695 01:02:04,286 --> 01:02:06,490 We're just gonna have to hope that she can stay clear of 'im. 696 01:02:06,490 --> 01:02:07,742 Let's go. 697 01:02:24,357 --> 01:02:25,726 Why, Jane! 698 01:02:27,127 --> 01:02:30,488 What are you doing out here? The party's inside. 699 01:02:31,216 --> 01:02:36,051 Oh, Quentin! I was... just getting a breath of fresh air. 700 01:02:39,448 --> 01:02:42,774 I grew up on Lake Erie. There's nothing quite like it. 701 01:02:42,774 --> 01:02:45,202 Well, I'm... quite sure... 702 01:02:45,348 --> 01:02:50,352 But how fortunate to have found you here. Now you can join me at my table. 703 01:03:00,833 --> 01:03:05,132 Jane! Something must have happened to Jane. 704 01:03:05,132 --> 01:03:07,156 Hey, Bernardo, you got the keys? 705 01:03:10,322 --> 01:03:13,246 I have a better idea. Follow me! 706 01:03:13,670 --> 01:03:17,496 Your attention, please. Ladies and gentlemen. 707 01:03:18,229 --> 01:03:20,976 Thousand points of... light. Light, a thousand points of light. 708 01:03:20,976 --> 01:03:26,429 Recession... bad. Recovery... good. Yeah, I think I got that. 709 01:03:26,429 --> 01:03:31,316 Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States. 710 01:04:33,722 --> 01:04:35,865 Frank, I think we'd better make our move. 711 01:04:35,865 --> 01:04:40,597 You're right, Ed, I'm thinking of something a little more up-tempo, like Guantanamera. 712 01:04:40,597 --> 01:04:44,812 No! I mean Hacker. Looks like he's getting ready to make a speech. 713 01:04:44,812 --> 01:04:50,233 Ohh, right, Ed. I'll intercept Hacker. You get the doc prepared for his speech. 714 01:05:18,599 --> 01:05:19,990 Ladies and gentlemen... 715 01:05:20,522 --> 01:05:23,145 - Dr. Meinheimer. - Yes? 716 01:05:23,293 --> 01:05:26,888 - Or should I say... Hacker? - Drebin! 717 01:05:30,699 --> 01:05:33,444 Look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair! 718 01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:38,041 - Can't someone help? - Yeah. Come on, guys. Let's get him! 719 01:05:38,304 --> 01:05:41,695 - Gimme a shot at him! - Beat up a guy in a wheelchair, huh? 720 01:05:41,695 --> 01:05:45,716 - We'd better get this man some first aid. - You sit tight, mister. 721 01:05:46,910 --> 01:05:48,299 Thank you. 722 01:05:48,753 --> 01:05:54,371 I'm pleased and honored to be with you tonight on this historic occasion. 723 01:05:54,371 --> 01:05:58,060 Tonight, Dr. Albert Meinheimer, as he looks up to the future, 724 01:05:58,363 --> 01:06:02,212 no doubt he's realized how our tremendous dependence on foreign oil 725 01:06:02,212 --> 01:06:05,018 has put a stranglehold on our national budget. 726 01:06:05,018 --> 01:06:08,874 So, a lot of cuts have to be made and some people are gonna be hit hard. 727 01:06:09,620 --> 01:06:12,927 But we'll just keep cutting until we have an impact. 728 01:06:13,150 --> 01:06:16,250 And that's the only way we'll be able to move forward. 729 01:06:16,543 --> 01:06:21,177 Now I present to you Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 730 01:06:36,429 --> 01:06:39,585 Oh, my God! He can walk! 731 01:06:39,695 --> 01:06:42,430 He can walk! It's a miracle! 732 01:06:45,705 --> 01:06:47,615 I can walk! 733 01:06:48,639 --> 01:06:50,839 Get off me, you moron! 734 01:06:53,362 --> 01:06:55,678 Hey, hey, come back here! 735 01:06:57,177 --> 01:07:01,783 Uhh, yes. I see. Everything seems to be okay now, so without further ado, 736 01:07:01,783 --> 01:07:06,094 I present to you, once again, the man who needs no introduction, 737 01:07:06,094 --> 01:07:11,209 the esteemed Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer. 738 01:07:23,950 --> 01:07:26,782 Hold it! Hold everything! 739 01:07:26,813 --> 01:07:29,595 - Don't listen to this man. He's a fraud! - No! 740 01:07:29,595 --> 01:07:31,764 - And I can prove it! - What do you think you're doing? 741 01:07:32,496 --> 01:07:35,200 Because the real doctor Meinheimer has a birthmark 742 01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:37,715 in the shape of Whistler's Mother right here! 743 01:07:45,037 --> 01:07:49,572 Obviously, a forgery. We'll see about this! 744 01:07:52,121 --> 01:07:53,561 Drebin! 745 01:08:10,248 --> 01:08:14,710 Hold it! Frank is right. There is a fraud in this room, 746 01:08:15,188 --> 01:08:16,685 but it's this man! 747 01:08:18,617 --> 01:08:24,030 And he's just given us this signed confession, implicating that man! 748 01:08:27,983 --> 01:08:30,273 No, no, no... 749 01:08:30,441 --> 01:08:33,062 That man. Quentin Hapsburg. 750 01:08:35,936 --> 01:08:38,522 - They're gone! - Let's go! 751 01:08:47,164 --> 01:08:49,393 - Let me go! - The roof. 752 01:08:50,725 --> 01:08:53,591 Come on, Frank, hurry! Come on! 753 01:09:01,883 --> 01:09:04,649 Tonight, I intend to share with you my report 754 01:09:04,649 --> 01:09:07,098 on our need for a national policy 755 01:09:07,098 --> 01:09:12,552 based on energy efficiency and clean, renewable energy sources. 756 01:09:18,593 --> 01:09:19,964 Frank, over there! 757 01:09:20,207 --> 01:09:21,524 Frank! 758 01:09:23,832 --> 01:09:25,227 Take cover! 759 01:09:25,856 --> 01:09:27,072 Frank! 760 01:10:09,052 --> 01:10:13,048 Nordberg! Cover me, I'm going in! 761 01:10:41,202 --> 01:10:45,252 All right. Where's Hapsburg? 762 01:10:46,370 --> 01:10:48,808 - Where you hit? - It's not that. 763 01:10:48,808 --> 01:10:52,324 - You're on my groin. - Oh, sorry. 764 01:10:52,324 --> 01:10:54,974 - All right, now. Where is he? - You're too late. 765 01:10:55,817 --> 01:10:58,718 Hapsburg has Plan B in... 766 01:10:58,968 --> 01:11:01,955 in... in... 767 01:11:02,263 --> 01:11:05,258 Where? Where? All right. 768 01:11:05,584 --> 01:11:07,939 Who else is almost dead? 769 01:11:10,372 --> 01:11:11,822 Okay, now... 770 01:11:13,370 --> 01:11:16,396 - Talk! - You're too late, Drebin. 771 01:11:16,396 --> 01:11:19,029 - He already said that. - Where did he leave off? 772 01:11:19,029 --> 01:11:22,684 Uh, "Hapsburg has Plan B in." 773 01:11:22,737 --> 01:11:27,063 Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... 774 01:11:27,099 --> 01:11:29,532 - in... - Where? 775 01:11:29,716 --> 01:11:33,132 Where? Talk, you low-life scum! 776 01:11:33,336 --> 01:11:37,142 Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it! 777 01:11:40,342 --> 01:11:42,740 I'm right here, Drebin. 778 01:11:45,926 --> 01:11:47,922 Drop your gun, lieutenant. 779 01:11:51,831 --> 01:11:55,729 I believe you're inquiring about Plan B. 780 01:11:56,156 --> 01:11:59,847 That's where we detonate a small nuclear device. 781 01:11:59,847 --> 01:12:03,630 Your Dr. Meinheimer can talk all he wants to. 782 01:12:03,630 --> 01:12:06,072 No one's gonna be left alive to hear it. 783 01:12:06,072 --> 01:12:08,313 Detonation sequence activated. 784 01:12:08,313 --> 01:12:11,788 I'm the only one who knows the abort code. 785 01:12:11,788 --> 01:12:14,994 In exactly ten minutes, this building and everyone in it 786 01:12:15,133 --> 01:12:18,064 will be reduced to a pile of rubble. 787 01:12:18,064 --> 01:12:20,880 I'll be safely on my helicopter. 788 01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:25,118 By this time tomorrow, I'll be hunting rhino in Botswana. 789 01:12:25,118 --> 01:12:27,103 What do you think of that, Drebin? 790 01:12:27,496 --> 01:12:31,507 Well, you certainly seem to be in touch with your anger. 791 01:12:31,896 --> 01:12:33,960 I don't care what you think, Drebin. 792 01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:35,637 You're not gonna talk your way out of this one. 793 01:12:35,637 --> 01:12:39,316 Go ahead! Threaten me like you have the American people for so long. 794 01:12:39,316 --> 01:12:42,346 But it's not gonna work this time. You're part of a dying breed, Hapsburg, 795 01:12:42,346 --> 01:12:47,467 like people who can name all 50 states. The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? 796 01:12:47,467 --> 01:12:51,270 Oh, sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, 797 01:12:51,270 --> 01:12:52,547 but it hurts. 798 01:12:52,547 --> 01:12:57,708 That's as far as you go, Drebin. Any final requests, lieutenant? 799 01:12:58,052 --> 01:13:01,404 Yes. Can I have the gun? 800 01:13:02,040 --> 01:13:05,561 Oh, no. I'm not gonna fall for that one. 801 01:13:05,662 --> 01:13:07,408 Not so fast! 802 01:13:23,361 --> 01:13:25,660 Six minutes to detonation. 803 01:13:26,378 --> 01:13:28,792 All right, now talk! Give me that abort code. 804 01:13:28,792 --> 01:13:30,372 Okay, okay, I'll talk. 805 01:13:30,372 --> 01:13:32,203 - There's six numbers... - I'm coming, Frank! 806 01:13:32,203 --> 01:13:33,541 2, 1, 7... 807 01:13:37,678 --> 01:13:39,290 Oops. Thanks a lot. 808 01:13:55,584 --> 01:13:58,088 - You sure you all right? - I'm fine. Are you okay? 809 01:13:58,122 --> 01:14:01,788 I'm fine, but unless we can disarm this computer in under 5 minutes, 810 01:14:01,788 --> 01:14:03,139 this whole building is gonna blow. 811 01:14:03,139 --> 01:14:06,013 - Oh, my God! We gotta warn everyone. - Yeah, right. 812 01:14:06,013 --> 01:14:11,653 - Jane, you'd better go. - No, Frank. I'm staying here, with you. 813 01:14:11,653 --> 01:14:12,712 But Jane... 814 01:14:12,712 --> 01:14:17,840 Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I wanna be here with you. 815 01:14:19,549 --> 01:14:24,719 Jane, I promise you, if we ever come out of this alive, 816 01:14:24,719 --> 01:14:28,015 I'll never let my police work interfere with our love again. 817 01:14:29,695 --> 01:14:32,469 Frank. Frank! 818 01:14:32,821 --> 01:14:35,642 The bomb. Come on, Nordberg, let's go. 819 01:14:35,642 --> 01:14:37,956 Four minutes to detonation. 820 01:14:38,775 --> 01:14:39,778 What are we gonna do? 821 01:14:39,778 --> 01:14:41,480 Operator's manual. See what you can find. 822 01:14:41,480 --> 01:14:44,928 Okay, okay. Let me see here. Oh, here we go. 823 01:14:44,928 --> 01:14:48,123 "To reset detonation code, first press pound sign." 824 01:14:49,671 --> 01:14:53,823 Per your command, the speed of this sequence has been greatly increased. 825 01:14:53,823 --> 01:14:56,279 Detonation now in two minutes. 826 01:14:56,854 --> 01:15:01,902 So, instead of spending 2.5 billion dollars 827 01:15:02,196 --> 01:15:05,913 on research into nuclear waste disposal, 828 01:15:06,444 --> 01:15:10,711 the Federal Government, for only 500 million dollars, 829 01:15:10,711 --> 01:15:14,380 or the cost of one B-1 bomber, 830 01:15:14,380 --> 01:15:20,126 could reduce the price of solar panels by 90%. 831 01:15:20,352 --> 01:15:24,598 As Albert Einstein once said... 832 01:15:24,598 --> 01:15:26,547 Table... Hey, come on. Wake up, wake up! 833 01:15:26,547 --> 01:15:31,531 Wake up. For God's sake. Wake up for the blow! Wake up! 834 01:15:32,421 --> 01:15:34,691 Wake up! I'll get the lights. 835 01:15:37,666 --> 01:15:41,441 Now, to elaborate on point 102... 836 01:15:41,441 --> 01:15:44,361 Here, read this. It's an emergency. 837 01:15:47,296 --> 01:15:50,411 "His strong, manly hands 838 01:15:50,411 --> 01:15:55,724 ''probed every crevice of her silken femininity, 839 01:15:57,109 --> 01:16:01,242 ''their undulating bodies writhing in a sensual rhythm 840 01:16:01,242 --> 01:16:05,213 "as he thrust his purple-headed warrior 841 01:16:05,213 --> 01:16:08,739 "into her quivering mound of love pudding." 842 01:16:08,739 --> 01:16:13,983 All right. Listen up, everyone. I want you to calmly file towards the exits. 843 01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:19,073 That's it, that's it. Nobody run. Just walk... single file... 844 01:16:19,113 --> 01:16:22,085 That's it. If we just stay calm, 845 01:16:22,085 --> 01:16:25,471 no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna exploding. 846 01:16:33,856 --> 01:16:37,081 It's a cookbook, it's a cookbook! 847 01:16:38,125 --> 01:16:40,659 Twenty seconds to detonation. 848 01:16:42,874 --> 01:16:45,070 - What are you gonna do? - 15 seconds. 849 01:16:46,192 --> 01:16:48,300 - Hey, it's got my sleeve! - Oh, no! 850 01:16:48,300 --> 01:16:51,222 10, 9, 8... 851 01:16:51,222 --> 01:16:54,102 - I can't get it. - Jane, my jacket! 852 01:16:54,407 --> 01:16:57,883 5, 4, 3... 853 01:16:58,362 --> 01:17:00,792 - 2, 1... - Let's get out! 854 01:17:04,464 --> 01:17:06,735 Frank, look! 855 01:17:07,993 --> 01:17:09,391 You did it! 856 01:17:19,134 --> 01:17:23,047 Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Mr. President, for those kind words, 857 01:17:23,047 --> 01:17:25,552 but... it's all part of the job. 858 01:17:25,912 --> 01:17:30,227 Frank, I'd like you to consider filling a special post I'm gona create. 859 01:17:30,287 --> 01:17:33,189 It may mean long hours, dangerous nights, 860 01:17:33,189 --> 01:17:37,849 and being surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society. 861 01:17:37,878 --> 01:17:40,298 You want me to be in your cabinet? 862 01:17:40,702 --> 01:17:43,009 No... No! 863 01:17:43,660 --> 01:17:49,739 I want you to head up a new Federal Bureau of Police Squad. 864 01:17:52,393 --> 01:17:55,750 - That's a great honor, Frank. - It's what you've always wanted. 865 01:17:55,982 --> 01:17:57,854 Congratulations. 866 01:17:57,992 --> 01:17:59,707 Nice going! 867 01:18:02,499 --> 01:18:04,930 Thank you. Thank you, Mr. President. 868 01:18:05,844 --> 01:18:08,996 Thank you, thank you. I'm very honored. 869 01:18:09,011 --> 01:18:11,544 This is something I've always dreamed of, 870 01:18:11,544 --> 01:18:16,908 but... I'm afraid I'm gonna have to turn down your offer, Mr. President. 871 01:18:17,287 --> 01:18:20,666 You see, I've learned something this past week 872 01:18:20,879 --> 01:18:24,484 about the Earth and about love. 873 01:18:24,963 --> 01:18:27,554 I guess love is like the ozone layer. 874 01:18:27,764 --> 01:18:30,561 You never miss it until it's gone. 875 01:18:31,246 --> 01:18:34,999 Blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 Magnum 876 01:18:35,356 --> 01:18:39,809 used to be everything to me. I enjoyed it. Well, who wouldn't? 877 01:18:41,409 --> 01:18:47,098 But now, I wanna be known as "The Environmental Police Lieutenant". 878 01:18:50,679 --> 01:18:55,821 I want a world where Frank Junior, and all the Frank Juniors, 879 01:18:55,821 --> 01:18:58,028 can sit under a shade tree, 880 01:18:58,028 --> 01:19:01,477 breathe the air, swim in the ocean, 881 01:19:01,477 --> 01:19:04,922 and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. 882 01:19:11,535 --> 01:19:15,823 I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick. 883 01:19:16,603 --> 01:19:21,670 I want a world where the Democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for. 884 01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:29,009 I may not get there with you, but most of all, 885 01:19:29,009 --> 01:19:32,436 I want a world where I can wake up each morning 886 01:19:32,436 --> 01:19:36,368 with this woman, whom I love! 887 01:19:38,819 --> 01:19:39,808 Yikes! 888 01:19:40,577 --> 01:19:42,949 - Frank! - Jane! 889 01:19:42,950 --> 01:19:44,863 Frank! Frank! 890 01:19:44,863 --> 01:19:49,747 - Jane, will you marry me? - Yes, of course I'll marry you! 891 01:19:54,523 --> 01:19:57,830 We love Frank! We love Frank! 892 01:19:58,291 --> 01:20:01,138 Okay. One more picture. Turn around, over here! 893 01:20:01,183 --> 01:20:01,950 Smile! 894 01:20:06,709 --> 01:20:09,247 Help, George! 895 01:20:09,809 --> 01:20:10,547 George! 896 01:20:10,709 --> 01:20:11,847 Help! 897 01:20:12,009 --> 01:20:12,747 Help! 898 01:20:13,109 --> 01:20:13,847 Help! 899 01:20:14,609 --> 01:20:16,547 George! 900 01:20:16,609 --> 01:20:17,547 George! 901 01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:27,000 Subtitle By---KingJAIN 902 01:24:27,137 --> 01:24:29,632 All right, let's see if I got this straight, now. 903 01:24:30,199 --> 01:24:33,185 Energy efficiency... good. 904 01:24:33,593 --> 01:24:37,999 Drilling in Arctic national wildlife refuge... bad. 905 01:24:39,013 --> 01:24:41,010 Uh, Mr. President, everything okay in there? 906 01:24:41,882 --> 01:24:44,789 Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.